Bryan Adams: "when you love someone" When I played this song for fellow Marines some years ago while we laid down thousands of miles away for bed, I could hear them crying. It had a way of releasing feelings we didnt want to show one another.

Listening to now:

The Cure "treasure" This song hurts to hear. I havent deleted it yet. The first girl I ever fell in love with loved this song. She couldnt find it anywhere. I found it for her. To this day, what she did to me still makes me break deep inside. My apoligies to those who like the cure......but I cant hear this one.

(if I get slack for the next few you can blow me)

BSB: "show me the meaning" This song was playing on the radio in the cab I took to the vet, and ironically after ward after I had put My little girl to sleep. I swore to never have another dog again, it hurt too much. She was like My daughter.

"drowning" This one.....

Was on the radio Christmas Eve, 2001. It was the day I tried to drown Myself in the Atlantic ocean. It was the day after I found out My ex had betrayed me. Dont ask for details.

Sisters of Mercy "black planet" was the first song I heard after downing a whole bottle of Rumpleminz, and nearly dying of alcohol poisoning. I was 15 years old.

Celine Dion "a new day has come" - Rebecca St James "waiting for you" These two remind Me of another love, one stolen from me and which drove me to the mental ward. I realize this is extreme behavior. it was either that, or eat a bullet.

Evanescence (various) I bought and listened to their album the entire drive up to Maine. For as commercial as they are becoming, her voice, and the music really do hit home for alot of people.

Laura Pausini "surrender (mike rizzo remix)" Alot of sentimental meaning. This song has the dubious honor of being the one song I listened to the most often, for the longest period of time nonstop, or for the most consecutive days. It was in the car cd player for nearly a year.

Pink FLoyd " comfortably numb(live)" I listened to this everynight I worked at the bar bouncing. It reminds me of the people, My thoughts, and it relaxes Me. I even try singing ........shaddap.

Ace of Base "Dont turn around" was playing on the radio early morning July 10th 1994.......the day the recruiter took me away. And I could hear My mom bawling as we drove down the street.

Pantera "this love" was playing when I went to a strip club for the first time and thought : I could get used to this.....

Metallica (various) I was using this in the weightroom back in highschool.........who didnt?

Anthrax "Im the man" we used to listen to this driving the "special bus" used to cart the homeless kids around to their various schools.

MegaDeth ("addicted to the chaos" youthanasia album) This album was the reason I bought a electric guitar. Riffs that would shred skin off your face.

Enya: We used to always listen to her when taking our "naps" during football camp. She is the best female singer.......

KMFDM (any album, any song) Their music is like putting nitro in My gas tank. I cant drive slowly listening to them. And I get goosebumps just listening to it.

Ive mentioned favorites before. But never why. Bad times, and good all get associated with music. I know Im not the only one who does it. But it almost becomes a philosophy to Me. A way of being. Inspiration. To draw from the power it unleashes and sometimes......endure the abuse it administers equally effectively. I know no better way to kill My spirit then to play selective tracks in order, and watch hell come closer. By the same token I can also encourage Myself.

My mmods are reflected in the music I hear. The music I select. And the only reason Im mentioning this now is because it is partially to blame for My recent depression. That and the upcoming winter solstice, which proves to be My undoing.

The next few months will be hard.