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1:20 p.m. - 2004-09-07

It happened again.

The only real cure is to get a new computer, or replace every damn component in this one. Motherboard, optical drives, fans, CPU, and that just as expensive as getting a new one.

But, this is also the first one I ever bought Myself. Its also the portal in which I connected with very special people. So the machine despite problems has value. And as expected I will never get rid of it.

Its just too old, and slow to keep up with the software needed to protect itself.

I have to go to the hospital today. Hopefully I will be working soon. Tomorrow is the poly. Im nervous, but Im wondering should I be? Im honest. Yeah Ive done wrong but I guess its the type of questions they might ask which worries me the most. Defeating such a device simply means do what I always do. Be Myself. And kill the examiner in a bloody and indescribable manner.

I have alot of things I need to do. People to pay back, work to get used to. Easy isnt a word I would use to describe it all, but it wont take care of itself. Ignoring it wont make it go away. Of course you cant kill responsibility either, or scare it. Responsibility, is that heartless bitch who fucked your best friend and made you pay for dinner beforehand.

Speaking of heartless bitches....

Ive known a few.

Then there are those who either given themselves too much credit for whoring, or delfish behavior. Some who will plead their case yet slip into behavior best reserved for a batttle pit. Regardless of the offenses, each had a charm I guess I could only see. Or, I make it up as I go along which I know I dont. Im more of a pessimist, than a optimist. Circumstances make Me see the negative. People, and the things they are capable of doing is the optimism in Me. People are the unknown. They are capable of breaking the sterotypes and making a change.

So when the telemarketer on the other end of the phone brings me to the brink of murder, I see their new puppy starving because their owner is in a shallow grave.

Somehow it all works out.

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