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2:12 a.m. - 2004-08-31

Some things dont make sense, others are as clear as chrystal.....

How can I peer into the minds of others but feel lost in My own skin?

Nothing shocks me anymore. I have seen, heard, and dealt with far too much for something to shock me. But some things do sicken Me to hear.

Every woman I have ever been in a relationship with, has been abused in some fashion.

A disproportionate amount of women I know have been raped before they were adults.

What is the justification for these men do to the things they do?

And why am I such a oxymoron....

As exciting it is to do something taboo, or away from the norm....I still have limits to good taste. Im by no means innocent, and I have done many things people would find.......evil. But I am half as bad as some of the pieces of shit who walk the earth.

I hate that feeling of helplessness knowing some atrocity has occured, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Its as bad as it happened when I hear of it. It matters not that it was years away. I feel the sting in My chest and want to act on it, but for what?

I know I cant protect them all. Women. Children. Those incapable of defending themselves. But I did just that growing up. Protecting an older brother who was born blind from the teasings, and beatings of older, healthy kids. 6 to 1 odds, in thier favor.....that didnt deter me. I felt like a watchdog. As I grew older I found Myself protecting alot more than that as a Marine. Some things never get old....

If killing the guilty was a justifiable act.......as one person put it there would be alo9t of room in this world. Think of all the empty parking spaces closer to the store.....

I dont think its wrong to plot and carry out murder in your mind because sometimes its the only thing which keeps from those momentary lapses of reasoning.........oh and that whole jail time thing.

I saw something else tonight.

A young girl working in a chinese restaurant, and one of the cooks fondled her brest in front of me. I was carrying My .45 at the time. She smiled and slapped his hand away embarrassed. Then it looked like she smiled at me, silently shameful for the act.

if I ever se that again, I will bury that fat slant eyed fuck in his grease pit.

goodnight.

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