There was no reason for it. Gasping for air, in between spikes of pain, holding someones hand only to have them pull layers of skin off.

Cancer, didnt kill My aunt cindy.

It is hard to survive when your internal organs are solidifying as radiation cooks the cells. She literally roasted from the inside out. Even as we buried her today, we were told she is still burning.

My relatives, told me they never, ever say anyone suffer like that.

I left out ALOT of details.....

I get pissed, frustrated and angry even thinking of what she had to go through. Her sons, My cousins and their father. My Uncle, My fathers younger brother.

If there is something the men in My family are known for.....is being solid when it comes to loss. I held back tears but it came close when they played her favorite music during her funeral. And all I could think of was how she suffered by the mistakes of a doctor......

I wanted to dig for answers, ask if there was an autopsy.....but this wasnt the time for such questions. Nothing will bring her back, and life wont ever be the same.

I am a Sadist.

But when family, loved family is already dying of cancer, and to have the rest of their lives ripped from them. I only wondered how she hung on so long.

Im still angry....

And that doctor will never get the punishment he deserves.

IN OTHER NEWS.........

I got the chance to see new life. Cousins I didnt know I had. Family I hadnt seen since I was a teenager. How things changed in the place I grew up. My grandfathers old house. Torn down and a new one put in its place. Even the loss of childhood memories made me cry.

My aunt stella is a housesitter for a as I heard it "almost a billionaire" who has let her live in, rent free his one bedroom......500 acre mountaintop getaway house complete with carraige house and barn. Snowmobile trails. Log cabin, right out of a magazine. She has lived there for 7 years, and he doesnt live there anymore as he is now married with family. Chances are she will retian it for as long as she wants. I can see Myself using it for My own little vacations too. 2,100 feet above sea level it would be awesome for training too.