~~Steps in Overcoming Masturbation~~

By Mark E. Petersen, Council of the 12 Apostles

A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.

(What constitutes normal bathroom processes? It sounds far too scientific, and I can almost hear the words "pee-pee" and "poo-poo" being uttered by adults towards other adults)

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

(what constitutes good company? What if Im in the precsence of some priest who fucks little boys in the ass? Im confused....)

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

o_o (wholesome, like white bread, milk and cookies? This reads like a kindergarden book)

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes � just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

(every fucking Mormon is going to have poor hygeiene, nasty teeth and thier cloths wont match. And what if by chance you live alone? Do grown men live with mommy and daddy?)

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.

(securely, like a straight jacket. Perhaps the Mormons resort to bondage, for the good of the chillun)

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

(ok, really fat mormons, who would find them attractive then? )

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember � "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

(note to self, Mormons dont watch TV, read Newspapers, magazines, and blind each other at birth)

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books � Church books � Scriptures � Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels � Matthew, Mark, Luke and John � above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.

(even the "good books" have death, misery, and cruelty in them. Just as uplifting as the news. And lets not forget Barney.....)

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER � NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect [sic] on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it. We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan. This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offerings. To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a brief orientation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function. The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions the vas deferens to a place called the ampulla where they are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches called seminal vesicles and the prostate gland. It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night during the emptying of come from the central nervous system. Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is a part of this normal process. Instead ourse, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to keep up with the loss of semen. When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce at his increased rate. As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of t Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

(lets see, dont think about jerking off at all, yet he mentions masterbation in this particular passage, and mentions morning wood, and spewing in your shorts as normal. I sincerely doubt prayer will stop your balls from working. But I havent felt a twitch in My shorts yet from this whole article)

"Suggestions"

(oh boy)

(select ones)

-Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and not lout when the temptations are the strongest.

(men kneeling in the street and around elementary schools all have hardons)

-When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell "STOP" to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

(5th inning of the world series, box seats...you begin to kneel....)

-Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

(suicide or jerking off......hmmmmmm....tough call...)

-In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called "aversion therapy". When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

(fat mormon bitches, sucking your own worm, listening to nursery rhymes played backwards)

-Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

o_o

(thats leaves gouging out the eyes again, but then how could I read this helpful article, I bet half the guys in a strip club are recovering mormons)

-In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

(bondage again. I get wood just thinking about tying some girl down)

note: At the time I accidentally came upon this site over 35,000 people read this shit. I bet they found it by accident too by typing "masterbation" into that Google thing. WHo knew....

The moral of this tale kiddies is that I touch Myself 3 or 6 times a day. I have alot of "black days" and I make big mess. On occasion I even fuck people. Im a bad influence and dont be friends with Me. You pathetic fucks......

Have a nice day.....

:D