Its been described to Me, and I openly admit that when I find something I want, I go all out for it. Love is no diffrent. I love very, very deeply. And to be honest its scared away alot of would be girlfriends. Tonight I do believe I put My foot in My mouth, or said things I should have kept to Myself. But....

I also believe in disclosure, and being honest. So if Im going to be damned, I will be done so in My own way, My own terms and for who I am....

I know I can be quite emotional at times..... erratic and quick to act. But My actions are also based in part to conservative, cautious thinking. Actions I take are always done so with the best of intentions. But as its been said the road to hell was paved with good intentions....

I have alot of options laid out before Me. Unfinished tasks. Avenues I might travel.

Happiness to Me is achieved through small miracles, and small pleasures many take for granted. I in my small wisdom try to take steps to facilitate oppertunities. Sometimes in My zeal to do good things....I forget My actions m-i-g-h-t not appeal to other people. For that, I am sorry.

Recent events were partially to blame for My flighty dreams. But I know better....and I need to think things through more. And Ive come to some decisions.

1. I will stay in NY long enough to take the NYPD exam. If I make it I might stay in NY to see how it goes. If I dont make it.....we will go to step two...

2. I will take steps to make a life out of NY. Work, room and board. I owe it to Myself to at least see a promise I made to the NYPD to at least try and succeed. Its something I need to do.