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10:15 p.m. - 2004-05-25

I came, and then cleaned up My mess...

o_o

I was pissed at work today. Surprize, surprize. A co worker who is known for being two faced, (IE: saying things behind your back or in a whisper so you can hear it then pretending they did nothing wrong.) and saying something on more than one occasion knowing I was within earshot. Something I KNOW is untrue, but he obviously dosnt give a shit, and said so anyway. His callous, sarcastic attitude can be quite hurtful. He accused me of poor hygiene to some stranger, and a coworker. he looked over his shoulder when he said it, both times.

Fuck you, asshole...

For a father of 5, and someone who tries to be perfect at everything, and highly opinionated, he has no fucking tact, nor manners. he accused me of not showering, or washing My clothes.

Do you know what happens to me if I dont wash My head/face twice a day? With My skin?

I have three (3) diffrent shampoos. One is prescription. One is a mild acid based one to remove dead skin, the other prescription is a antibactierial one. The final wash is a 7% tar solution. All must be left on wet skin for 10 minutes. if I dont scrub My face and head, and I mean hard......I will look like I have lizard scales on My face and head. Its disgusting. its something Im ashamed of. I have to do this, or look like a freak. So its no wonder My face is red in places after I shower. I have to literally scrape dead skin from My face. So where does he accuse me of never cleaning Myself?

I was wearing brand new UnderArmour top and bottom today. And a new shirt. Fuck you, asshole.....

I even went as far as to ask quite a few people who I have worked with over a year....

"do I stink, be honest"

SOme men, some women. None could say his accusations were valid. So why would I let this bother me so?

Growing up, Ive mentioned My homeless childhood. I couldnt afford nice clothes. I wore sweats nearly everyday. They were cheap, and fit regardless of age. Kids would say I stunk too, or wore the same cloths.

My parents made sure I scrubbed My ass but I was indeed forced to wear some type of sweat cloths growing up. I hated.....I HATED being picked on. So this fucking assholes words cut pretty deep. And I could only envision this father of 5's face covered in red blood. Fuck you, asshole....

it isnt like no one hasnt seen me brush My teeth several times at work. I keep a tooth brush, and toothpaste in My locker. To My understanding, Im the only one who does. Actions speak louder than words....

Fuck you, asshole....

Where was I...?

I bought a new bike seat today. The "old" one I rode twice isnt soft enough for My fat ass, so I bought a gel one. I wanted to go riding but rain prevented it. ... maybe tomorrow.

I have a long way to go. I have aot to experience. There is much I need to learn about Myself, and controlling all the anger I carried with me all My life. I let it out in doses. I fear what would happen if I succumbed to My urges. Thats one victory for Me....self control.

I will eat a apple as a reward.

people tell me I look thinner. Im doing something right.

Good night...

5 people who actually read this crap

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