Something Im quite used to, as it is written in the bylaws of My life. Whenever I get My hopes up for something, its usually shot down by some act of nature, or deed of humanity.

Money has caused it to happen (lack of), homelessness has caused it, solitude has been a reason and so has bad luck. Its no wonder I sometimes feel as if My life is indeed cursed. Hexed by birthright and forced to crawl up the slippery slope of normalcy. It is My battlecry. The underachiever. Underdog. People often ask how come I have such wisdom, or insight into bad things, or life in general? Bad news has a way of humbling you to the point of philosophical tragedy. I lived depression, and regret, and broken promises. I know My reactions before an event occurs. I have already dreamt and played out scenarios to any given topic. Thats alot of thinking, isnt it....

I am a pessimist. How could I not be? I have never been shown reason or cause to look forward to anything. It also explains the numbness I feel each day. Knowing heartbreak/dissapointment/we are sorry is right around the corner its no wonder I dont see the motivation to struggle against the rising tide. id rather be swept away in it then drown trying to fight something I know will fail. I dont get My hopes up anymore. Because when I do that is when I crash the hardest. Falling from inside the hole hurts far less then tripping into it, or in My case.....being pushed in....

recent events or plans have led to this revelation is self analysis. A promised visit was miraculously cut off by a motorcycle accident. Targic, but thankful the parties involved are still alive, its just one other way the powers that be are aligned against Me. I was looking forward to it, but now it will not happen, but as always th reasons are valid. WHo am I to argue with something like that? Im not comepletely heartless, and Im not mad. Just dissapointed, and I would hope people could understand that. Circumstances suck eiher way.

There is nothing happening in My life. No news to share. I dont have a new pet. Work sucks ass riht now. Im broke until payday. I have a lump somewhere casing me pain.

What else can I look forward to today?