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11:36 p.m. - 2004-05-15

Im spent...

appointments, debts to be paid, repairs to be considered, chores to accomplish. And then there is the ever present burden of having to work to merely keep My head above the water I have found Myself in. I dont like living a dead end life. An existance with little substance and reward in it.

Presently Im strapped for cash. Car insurance "ate" last nights earnings to the extent of leaving me with a Abraham Lincoln folded in My pocket for the day. Eating right costs far more than eating poorly. I went from spending $3 to $12 for lunch alone. Not counting My interval meals and water intake. I can easily go through over $100 a week in food for Myself. I eat more now then when I wasnt dieting. But I have come this far already.....almost a month now. Actually over a month. I have lost weight, and I do feel better, and I dont cheat. But its costing more than I can afford on a continuous basis. But is My health a burden worth aking? Absolutely. Im not getting any younger, and I need to take that active role in My body.

There was nearly a brawl last night. Several large indeviduals, who upon seeing them I knew could be trouble. they gave off a vibe Im used to getting. I was right. But they showed restraint enough to leave the bar and go outside. I would have hated to see them brawl. Im one man. I would have gotten My ass kicked. But I would have at last taken some out with me. Luckily, as I said......there was nothing.

Im in such a pissy/sour mood lately. Work has become a chore now. The fu has vanished as new ownership is making life there difficult. I can see the end of My employment there in the not so distant future. Its time to make some changes to the resume and see what happpens.

I know this whole entry is prety devoid of emotion. I cant bring Myself to share anything. Because I really dont feel anything. There are too many unknown things floating around for me to pin My head down on ideas. I will know more in the days to come. But before there is resolution, there will be trial. I simply hope the days pass quickly, and without ceremony.

To those who have sent well wishes, you are appreciated. When strangers share of themselves, it is a gift without reservation. Thank you.

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