I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help Me, Lemmy....

Wednesday: Having not slept a wink I rolled out of bed and proceeded to prepare My bones for a long, refreshing drive to Newark in the rain. *sighs smiling* The joys of life. Hungover, and having to be someplace. There ought to be an award for going above and beyond the call of duty to give the impression My life is in control. We all know its rabid monkeys masterbating all over the steering controls of a raging locomotive, stereo blaring and people being randomly squished as it rolls by. Ever try to give said monkeys a breathalizer? No? You havent lived......

Anyway where was I?

Oh yes...driving...

I would like to point out that I fucking hate other drivers. Especially those who take lives into risk by simply driving. *coughs* NJ sucks *cough, cough* o_o

I am driving with My co worker and we proceed to get lost over and over. Staten Island, Jersey......they all have some of the worlds most confusing roads. Or I really am a retard. Both are valid possibilities.

Four hours of driving later we arrive at our destination. We learn of shit I already know and are treated to a lunch of some distinction. Sammiches and salad. Clearly this wasnt paid for by My company....oh no. Did I mention the tini-tiny coke bottles? Classy...

Anyway after out conference we were driving home and yes you guessed we were lost again. This time in Manhatten, SoHo. I fucking hate the city. Driving in it anyway. All in all My little adventure lasted for nearly 12 hours. So when I came close to home I hit the store to grovel zombielike in front of the excersise equipment and them went home to sleep.

I would be going into more detail, but Im sleepy.....the next two days were even more interesting....

Thursday I went to see the man who offered me the bouncing position in the bar I proceeded to get shitfaced in. "anytime between 12 and 7pm".......I arrived at 1:30pm. The bar was empty with the exception of a few regulars I didnt know yet. I was treated to fountain soda, and choice conversation. He told me some things to expect from the area, and the clientele. I offered things I expected, and things I needed to know. Rules, pay, jurisdiction, all routine. He gave Me alot of leeway and control. I was hired and am the only bouncer they have there. But I like to think of that as a special oppertunity, one I am qualified and ready to dive into.

He asks Me to stick around and meet some locals and have a drink or two. I stay for 8 hours watching everything. Absorbing the mood, and such of this little bar. Most of the people who come are in their 20's. Some older but mainly its the college crowd in there. But unlike a club there is little dancing, and its mainly drinking, and socializing. One entryway. And I find out the layout is pretty simple. And another plus, there is no handle on the door. Can anyone say "motherfucker getting thrown through the door"?

I go to work Friday early, and Im expected to work at the bar that night. Actually Im excited. I always was even when going to the club to work because its always an exciting, ever changing enviorment. New faces to see, talks to have, and money to be made. Club/bar life can be exciting. Even for the employees. So when the appropriate time rolls around i go about My business, get in the car and head over. As expected its pretty empty and Im met by the attending barkeep "nancy". A 50something with that tough woman image. Calls are made and its decided I am indeed on for the night. Nothing left to do now but wait. Its dead up until about 10pm. Some young men come in, drink it up and Im listening to them talk about a particular "chick magnet" friend they have named nolan. Its hard to not listen in sometimes, as the talks can be short of intrigueing. "Nolan" arrives, and I being the doorman check his ID.

o_o

I could swear he is poindexter right from revenge of the nerds with one exception. He is an Albino.

Ladies and gentlemen....I have seen and heard alot of things in My life. But this was a tender moment even for me. This albino is taken out weekly, gotten drunk and a hooker is provided for him as they watch his "short white dick go to work".

I would shake My head at this display, but the truth is he gets more ass than most people I know. Heres to you......and your white ass hair...

The highlight of My evening was a short, thin lad of about 22 who with enough beer in him decided to walk behind the counter to attack the manager who hired me. Oh fuck no....

I grabbed him, picked him up by his arm, and threw him through the door. Manager was overjoyed, bartenders laughing, and the night went smoothly. A wedding party with bridesmaids wanting to dance with the bouncer. And I think I will really like it there. More as it progresses.