Normally I could ramble about almost anything, but this time I cannot. There is simply too much to absorb all at once. And I really wouldnt know what to say. It can be summed up this much:

Im glad she is still here.

Ever feel like the clothes your wearing, are so offensive that your afraid to be seen in them? Thats what I feel like in My skin. Somehow offensive, and out of style. Ive heard and seen alot. But some things are hard to swallow.

Someone from My past came to talk to me yesterday. It was such a suprize I jumped in My seat, and stared at the name for a second, and My heart froze in place. Ironically I describe it as a surprize when I was the one who brought on this conversation to begin with.

There is a place I created several years ago. A place to write and keep as somewhere I can express words I might not have been able to so long ago. In any case I wrote a semi long entry almost a week ago. I had thought after so much time had passed that this indevidual wouldnt see it anyway. It was not unlike some of My entries here, but was a focused one. Some things were said there that I wouldnt say here due to the personal nature. Well, they did see it. And I see how wrong I was when I wrote it.

Words cant do justice to what I heard. I was both sickened, and furious that such a act of careless violence could happen for no reason. I cried, shook, and trembled I was so angry, not just at what happened, but at Myself. Yes, inside I blamed Myself for what had happened. I couldnt have prevented it from happening? Part of Me doesnt believe that, part of me does. But what drives me more up the wall, was the nature of the incident. Why these pieces of shit did what they did. The things they said, and how they finished. Im not a religious man. But if there was a way, vengeance would be Mine. I swear it would be.

There is a major diffrence between fantasy, the world we dream of, and reality, the world we live in. Common sense, and logical thinking tells us that when our eyes open, we are back in reality. Playtime is over now. But fantasy isnt always limited to dreams. We can invision other things as well, and make them come true, within the boundaries physics allows. Or most importantly the law. Morality isnt a governing force in legislation, unless you live in the bible belt where masterbation is a crime. But, some things should automatically come as a bad idea. For example, I hope for the love of all things sacred there isnt a Barney the purple dinosaur cult somewhere. People who would join such a group obviously have some internal issues coming to grips with the diffrence between reality, and playtime. They justify any action taken with ludicrous words and actions. yes, go ahead bow down to the purple freak with dentures, he is the oracle of knowledge....

o_o

As far fetched as it sounds there are people who are capable of such things. And unfortunately, more sinister things. The things which nightmares are bred from. With no regard for human life, or thier actions. Excuses are made instead. And bones broken, skin scarred and sanity stolen. I fucking hate those people. There is no punishment too great for them. Unfortunately the laws of this country I live in are too gentle. They would never get what they deserved. I wish I knew where they were. Saw their faces, to fuel My rage. No excuses. None. They need to die, slowly. Days. Weeks. Their spirits ripped apart. Starved. Why cant I have revenge on these who deserve it so greatly....

The details are disturbing. And I didnt ask for many. I didnt have to. I know what such men can think of, and do. I didnt need to ask. And once again Im sickened by the thought.

This is an open apoligy. Addressed to nameless faces. People I know. To some I am merely a shadow in the mind. Some have actually seen Me. But all deserve to feel safe. Protected, and cared for. My heart has always been a safe harbor for those who find My favor. I love people too deeply sometimes. So much so it nearly consumes Me. But in this love you can rest assured, I would never harm any of you. You can indeed trust Me. And for not being there, when you all needed Me, Im sorry. I just wish you knew how much. I shouldnt blame Myself , but I do. And I always will. Some things never change.

Many times have I cursed the weakness of others, and myself. But as I look back on the shortcomings personally thought of as horrible, they pale in comparison to the brutality I have been witness to. The slayings in California, some father who should be caring for the kids, instead murders them. Whats the fucking point of that? Shootings in a Masonic temple, supposedly the all powerful secret society they think themsleves to be. Your not above the law, dickheads (smiles and winks to the side) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*ahem* o_o

I have far more self control, dignity, and respect than any of them combined in My pinkie toe. All thought they were all powerful. Mighty, the superior being. They were all wrong. Hitler was wrong, Khan was wrong, Napoleon was wrong, and were all brought down by seemingly lesser men. Why? Honor. Respect. Truth. Discipline. All the keys to being a great person. And not all great people are men, many are women. As a Gorean man I follow the thoughts that men are biologically stronger than women. Generally this is a true fact. Unless your like that she-hulk on wrestling who was called Chyna. This doesnt mean women are inferior. In fact the opposite is true, that such women who's grace, intelligence, and personality make her the most prized members of her society. Alot of women are also smarter then the average male. Another mark to thier credit is they speak in full, cohesive sentences without grabbing thier groin. Kudos ladies.....truely.

The attitude I hold for those around me stems from morals I have thought through clearly in My head. Whats right and wrong, what is acceptable behavior given a certian parameters of society, and the laws within that society. Its a logical statement that Gorean culture, as a whole is illegal in the real world. So....this being true it would also logically state that not all Gorean laws, will apply to Earth bound laws as we know them, correct? I think so. The D/s community is based upon respect, and trust. Consent. Consent to all the motherfuckers out there is defined by Me as:

"the verbal, or written permission to engage in physical, or emotional interaction between indeviduals in a safe, and stable enviorment"

Consent, morons, isnt implied. There are no fucking non verbal clues that people desperately need to be harmed by you, tortured by you, or killed by you. If I ever, meet you on the street....you will certainly die.

It was a simple lack of control. They were in fact the weak ones. Those are the type of people who would foild under pressure. The ones to beg and plead for mercy, when they are incapable of it themselves. And I hate you for your weakness.

If the mood of this entry isnt clear, you're pretty ignorant.