http://www.news12.com/LI/topstories/article?id=102780

Wierd inductions, feather ticklers, and possibly monkeys in lingerie....who knows...

I slept an extra long time today. I went to bed around 3am, and didnt wake up till nearly 7pm the following evening. My theory on this is wierd dreams I have. I am conciously aware I am dreaming. So some of the things I think of during the day end up seeping into My subliminal thoughts during the night. Guess I simply didnt want to stop dreaming. Sue Me...

One of the things I was thinking of all that time was how we as people do things we know is wrong to try and gain something we so desperately need. Love, acceptance, friendship, respect. I thought while I slept that if we "know" that something is fundamentally wrong such as but not limited to eating disorders, commiting crimes, doing drugs, exsessive drinking, sleeping around, violence but in our hearts feel this is the only way we can gain the things we search for....is a downward spiral of regret waiting to happen. A friend took Me to the movies the night before, and we saw "Monster" with Miss Therion and Miss Ricci. I was actually uncomfortable watching it. I can see why she won the academy award. Hooking since she was 13, and in the search for someone to love her, save her she only ended up hating the very thing she longed for her whole life.

I know I have done things.....things I regret but it wasnt to seek approval, but a silent cry for help which almost went unanswered. But I also see things around me for the same reasons. We know its wrong, but in our heart of hearts still do the things we despize so much. Where is it all supposed to end....

yeah, Im speaking of dramtic things.....and no violence....so what fuck you, have a nice day.

Which brings me to something which shouldnt matter, but does....

Ive noticed that people have been erasing me as a diary they read. Even thought this is My personal ramble space I cant help but feel I have lost touch with those who give me feedback on things I am not always so sure of. Im not as prideful as some aqre, unless I feel threatened. But not seeing what I wrote isnt offensive, as its a passive act. Im sure Im just being paranoid, but it still bothers me.

Im having a blond moment.....a nuerofaltuation as it were....the layman would call it a brain fart but whats the fun in that.....