More vagueness, from Me so it shouldnt be a shock.

Im not a mind reader. But I know when things are going on, wether under My nose or behind My back.

There is this desperate need to scream things out loud, but I dont. Some have said I know Myself better than most do. Im not totally certain this is true, I think I just know how I act in given situations, which doesnt mean I know why I do what I do, or think like I do.

There is a speech given to people who come into contact with Me. Sort of unofficial guidelines if you will that I adhere to on most instances. My reactions to certain stimuli, or interactions. Usually to those I work with, as they dont know me well enough to see things I do. One thing is how I treat people. Respect begets respect. I will not purposely disresepct anyone intentionally unless you know you deserve it. I also will not lie behind your back, or tell lies to your face. Untruths only get you into trouble. I will not purposely betray anyones trust in Me for selfish reasons. So despite My dominant mindset, I am rather cordial, customers for the most part see this side of Me as its what I get paid for. SO...those few basic ground rules laid......I say this:

If I have offended you, or made you resent Me in any way....please, please tell Me. As any such action wasnt meant in malice or to cause someone else to suffer as Im not a complete asshole. I dont know whats wrong if you dont tell Me. The irony is people will tell Me nothing is wrong to My face when actions they take, or things they say "tell" Me the complete opposite is true. A Personality test I once took described Me as a "social philosopher" and I Have to say thats the closest match I have ever seen to describe how I am. They are described as being "extremely intuitive, and open to other peoples feelings, and emotions'. Damn right we are. I "know " when something is wrong. I might not know whats wrong, but I will definately know something isnt kosher in the state of fucking Denmark....

As a creature of habit that I am, I can spot changes in routine easily. I dont know why I can do this. Especially when I cant figure out Myself at times. Im better with other peoples emotions than My own apparently. Im broke, someone fix me please.....

o_o

I can take alot of things. Physical hardships, work stress, someone yelling at Me. Death. But the one thing which drives me insane to the brink of nervous breakdown, is being ignored. it doesnt even have to be on purpose. It falls into the line if Ive done something wrong, tell Me. I cant fix it if I dont know its broken. Unless this silence is for a reason, and I wont be told....well then.....its going to suck hardcore. And I will more than likely take it out on a poor unsuspecting victim.....3 guesses who that will be...

All I can do is apoligize for who I am. Few people have what it takes to "straighten me out" and it is possible. I conform when I think it benifits.

Im feeling guilty again, even writing this much.....

Trouble is no punishment is good enough for me at times....could be a reason why I lose My mind.

I just dont know.....

Hurting other wont help....

Hurting Myself definately wont help....

So it just hurts....

But helping others.....sometimes makes the hurt go away. How can I help "you" today?