My fun began yesterday. Work was.....to say the least strained. A promise of a high level visit from corporate hung over our heads. I was hoping that going in the evening would ensure our visitors had already passed when in fact they did not. So stress being at a rather high level store wide I tried to get what work done that I could. I spent the core of My night building one piece of equipment only. Nothing else mildly constructive was accomplished.

The tools used although some being Mine were inadaquate for a more smooth, fast build. I will buy tools to correct this. Coming home was uneventful, and I actually turned My stereo on for the first time in two weeks. Get home and log in, and find I had cut the palm of My hand down to bare flesh. It fucking hurt, and it was in a really bad place. Needless to say I wont be masterbating furiously for some time. Oh dear....

I slept until noon. Went to the bank, and to the local Home Depot, and Sears hardware. I have found the needed tools, and other "must haves" My grubby little paws need to make My work days less tiresome. Thus concluding the droll, lifeless entry portion.

My hand hurts...

My head hurts...

My cars mirror still isnt fixed...

My inspection is still invalid...

Im bored to tears with another day off tomorrow...

Its pretty sad when going to work is the only time you go out, socialize, or is the only thing worth looking forward to in your life. Pretty sad indeed.

When one looks back on past life experiences, choices, and the reality of how things are now its no wonder depression is on the rise. Suppressing pangs of regret is fed with small trinkets. It probably explains why I like buying things. When in a grumpy mood, go shopping. And when I do go shopping, and come home, it isnt unusual for me to be absentmindedly fondeling My new purchases. Somehow I always feel the need to touch them, until the newness of them, the novelty wears off, and I need new things again. My endless cycle of things. Some are as usless as the day I bought them, but somewhere deep inside I thought maybe they would be useful.

a 2 ton hydraulic truck jack, never used.

one hot glue gun, never used...

Gor-Tex pants....never worn...

countless shoes and sneakers, worn fewer times than disposable diapers...

8ft bullwhip.........dont ask...

one 12 inch blacklight for automobile use....never installed, and about 4 years old by now.

an engagement ring which has never been worn......

o_o we wont discuss that one...

Just found out I am losing all My favorite cable stations, so now there will be absolutely nothing to watch. Fuck.

Im still waiting for somehting nice to happen, but I wont hold My breath either....

goodnight..

1:51am.

recent development which makes me want to remove My internal organd with a putty knife:

All My error messages, crashing windows, and odd hardware glitches, not to mention the fact My computer wont run basic programs without getting caught in a loop......

Im fucked. Dell says I need a new harddrive. This is a very bad thing. I have alot of data on My HD which I dont want to lose. They are sending a new HD in 48 hours. I need to reformat it, or.....pay some outside company to "save" My data from being removed. I dont need this. I really dont. All My normal bills aside....I need to pay to have My mirror fixed, get My cars brakes done, new tires...those three alone will cost me a grand at least. Money I dont have. .

Fuck Me....

Now this, I have no idea how much "saving" My drive will cost, or if I can even afford it. Or if they can make a "cloned" version of My old harddrive with the new one. if they could I would be golden. if not...well.....see above explative for direction.....

I dont ask for much in life, and expect even less to go My way. Please dont fuck My computer.....My only window to the outside world which doesnt scorn Me for being who I am. My treasure chest of memories. The inanimate object which plays all My music for Me, thereby allowing My mind to drift and dream. It is more than silicon, and plastic. It is a window I am afraid to lose. Almost all of its capacity is filled. Has been for some time. Some dont mind losing, reformatting their machines. Mine is a testament to 3 years of hell. its been the one constant in My life. And it has seen and recorded all of it. Conversations, music, favorite places to visit, and all the data that entailed. I didnt know when I bought this thing 3 years ago, it would change My life so drastically.

How can someone rest so much change on a piece of electronic equipment? Simple.....

I met the first woman I truly loved online with this....

I made true friends, using this....

It really has been a curse, and a gift. it was the first computer I ever owned. And to this day probably the only thing I have bought in all My years, which I use regularly. I baby it. It never gets moved, I clean it daily. And I dont let people use it without asking.

WHy am I even mentioning any of this. To me My computer, is almost a friend. having had it so long, I am truly addicted to its prescence. I know it better than anything I have. Data you think is a small price to pay for a working machine. But data, is memories. Once lost are unrecoverable. I am a sentimentalist. Ive often mentioned why in past entries.

I just think Im fucked, and I see sanity slipping away........