I have a pocket full of money.

With the big sale this weekend, I actually made more money in tips than I did the entire week of Christmas. Ironic indeed. But not nearly enough to change My tax bracket. But a few extra dollars makes me breathe easier through the week. I can actually afford to eat, and put gas in the car.

Im tired.

Still dont know what Im really doing. No initiative or desire to excell. Inherant laziness rearing its ugly head again. I know when it comes to Me, if I can see the finish line, I work that much harder to finish. When there is no horizon, where does a person draw from? Did early explorers seeing no land for weeks on end lose hope as I have at times? Not to say Im completely hopeless (and no I dont mean as a person, gee thanks) but I find it hard to draw any inspiration, or strength from My life these days. A broken record smashed once again. The rotten corpse of seabiscuit spraying chunks with each fresh beating. I am continually reiterating the same crap as I always do. But, its relevant crap.

I need to do laundry. My car still needs to be fixed, inspected and made "safer". Housecleaning to be finished. Bills to be paid, or at the very least dented a little.

Ritual. Conformity. Reliability. Conservative.

Some of those words fit Me. I notice when things change. There is a certain comfort in knowing what will happen. The little things each day which signal completion of some unhappy task. But then there are times when Im the complete opposite.

Open minded. Silly. Straightforward. Flexable.

I am one to see where improvements can be made. Rise to a task, and see it done. But such threads of My personality are always changing...evolving to meet things which come My way. Emotions play a big role in how I see things. if Im upset, things will "appear" to be more bleak than they truely are. But that might be true for everyone too. Not My selfcentered philosophy shining through. When it rains it pours.....

We should be grateful for what we have. Take stock that it could be worse than it is now. But I know from experience, and through the eyes of people I have known it isnt always that easy to do. Some can never see the glass half full. Even when the circumstances in their world are more ideal than others. Just wish there was something I could do to change their view......and in doing so, improve Mine.