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8:03 a.m. - 2003-12-29

Ive said this enough for it to be cliche...

Fine. Whatever. Fuck you.

Im ready for it to all stop. I cannot change who I am. How I think. How I feel. I truly believe Im curesed this way. Overly sensitive perhaps. I feel.....everything, even things from the past, which should by now be healed.

I didnt call her for Christmas, or for Sages bday. I wanted to. Really. My mind conveniently forgot to look her number up and call. Fear made me do this. Why would she ever want to speak to Me again. So I bury those feelings.

She hasnt spoken to Me in a long time. We tried to talk again, but I feel too much had passed and she ran away, again. Her too, I didnt call. Diffrent reasons, diffrent circumstances.

Two diffrent people, I would venture to say they were complete opposites for outward appearance. But they reacted to me in the exactly the same way. others too, have ran from Me. Im tired of it all. People running.

I thrive on fear, but also resent it. And I just want it all to stop. Even if it means dying.

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