Friday I went to go see him in the emergency room. He was on oxygen and IV antibiotics. So far he is slowly recovering.

I woke this morning gagging, and choking. Then the coughing began, and chest pain, burning and sore throat. I could hear and feel the wheezing in My chest. I felt the all to familiar itch/burn in My chest. I have bronchitis. There was only one thing to do, call in sick and trek into the falling snow and rain for the VA hospital. Either I do, or I get worse, and join My dad in a hospital bed.

Dressed, and started driving. Took a quarter of a tank of gas to get there, but I made it. It wasnt busy. Doctor did the usual, but I did mention My dad, and he asked if I wanted a xray. I didnt think I needed it. I caught it in time to cure it with meds. So......I have My antibiotics, medicated cough drops.....and blanket. Hopefully I can work tomorrow.

other than feeling like shit, stressed out....and cold and miserable.......like is a fucking barrel of lesbian gummi bears.

I realized Im the half eaten jelly bean in the bottom of the bag. You know, the black one. People take a bite, then spit Me out. An aquired taste perhaps....

I thought long and hard while I drove. Thinking of options, where I fit in, and I didnt get any definate answers. Like I had zero direction, or was unsure how to proceed. I know what I would like to happen, but the chances of Me getting what I want, is now slim. Perhaps impossible. To say it doesnt fill me with dread would be a lie. Im terrified of certain things, thoughts I have. Feelings I hide. Denying they are there is small consolation, and they keep creeping into My forethoughts, and making day to day life sometimes unbearable. Im not in mortal danger, Im just not Myself anymore. I look around at things I own, trying to justify who I am, and where I might go. It isnt easy.