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7:03 p.m. - 2003-12-02

Bury Me...

I woke up late, well not actually, I woke up. But ignored the alarm, and closing My eyes felt sooo good. Well, late I was. My car did the engine racing thing again, until I got to the gas station, shut it off, and restarted it stopped. Just like before. I wrote Buick directly, and we will see what happens.

I went to clock in and the loss prevention manager asked me if the person standing near the time clock was "Rich" a footwear associate, and was he carrying anything. Something most certainly afoot here. He pulled Me in the office, and asked me a few questions about him, then took off when he arrived to have a "chat". As the morning progressed, I waded through freight as usual. "Rich" was taken into custody, and brought to the loss prevention office. I didnt have any real details, but some things were made clear, he was "caught" by another associate at a club last Saturday wearing a nice new pair of sneakers. Since said employee didnt like the new guy much this detail was told to others. They checked boxes, and found two boxes, same brand and style....each short one left, and right sneaker. Other irregularities were also found. And prior to all this a girl in apparel found her purse had been ransacked a week ago and money taken. All of this was addressed in that small office, with police officers in attendance. All was admitted to, and details given. Rich apparently was on probation from prison, for a prior charge, larceny. he didnt waste any time, he was only here a week and a half. We all wanted to see him taken away in matching bracelets. But knowing the judge will do that for us, he was released, after statements were taken, and his parents came to pay the losses in cash to the proper authorities. We are talking about a person we feel was also the guilty one for stealing food, from the food collection baskets to feed the homeless in our breakroom. No regard for others, he is a career criminal at a young age. And I have no pity for him. A funny detail was when they were removing the cuffs, a key broke off inside, sort of like they didnt want to release him. He was meant to be caged. And his last words to his manager were....

"can I finish out my shift?"

sheesh.

Towards the end of the night, I was selling a treadmill, and without looking, stepped off the wrong way and a treadmill right next to me was silently running and I put My foot on it as it was running....

it took me clean off My feet, and I landed hard on My left hip and lower leg. it fucking hurt no question, but I was tenderly walking in a few minutes. It will bruise also, I dont even doubt it.

I reached out and spoke today. Not knowing if I would be able to have a normal conversation. But it went better than I had hoped, so Im glad for it. Im not rushing anything, and I hope in time it wont feel so awkward.

Its bitterly cold out these past days. The wind is unforgiving, and My mind is restless watching the clouds in the distance. There was even a light dusting of snow, too cold for sticking as it blew away as it fell, leaving not a trace. I was busy doing carry outs, as I watched, and shivered, loading gifts for people I would never meet. I made $5 in tips all day. Some people are grateful, others are simply unaware of the things it takes to do what simple people do each day. They dont realize a dollar allows me to eat that day. or an extra $5 gives me two days worth of gas money. I dont expect tips. But Im grateful for even a dollar. I work hard. I do things few people could or would do. I lift heavy objects easily, but sometimes the pace, or the load can be more than Im used to, and I tire. Some might never even say thank you. I prefer pride, to payment. Respect to reward. At the very least.....show some appreciation for Me showing you what you needed, taking time to teach you to use it, then lug it out in the cold so you wouldnt have to. Its the least you can do.

I still miss..........her.

And I didnt want to burden any feelings on anyone. I just.....had to say it. And Im sorry. Happy Birthday....

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