Im not immune to the stress, and hardships we face daily. How life can forge simple problems into a insurpassable mountain. It has happened all too often to me, when I am faced with stress, and difficulty, I usually blame Myself, close My feelings off, and lose hope in everything. Such doubts and fears can rob the very will to live from people, and regrettably, that too has also happened before. Something else it does......is push people we care about far away. They feel alone, and its hard all around.

Im listening to music, specific songs.....and pondering things. thoughts which sting, and burn but ones I need to work through. Im not mad, or angry. Im saddened. I want to gain something I lost. But logic tells me to let things fall where they will. its good advice, but is a bitter pill to swallow. I want to be held. Consoled. Something can be found again, when it might have been lost. A connection, and mutual understanding. No strings. No regrets. No baggage. We can be grateful we have at the very least regained contact, and have someone to turn to for comfort....

I face yet another Christmas, alone. Nothing is as complete, as having someone who holds you dear, for such a painful time of year. I lost a baby, best friend, and lover during Christmas. it also marks the first time I tried to drown Myself in the icy waters of the Atlantic. To make the pain stop. I wont lie. Im crying right now. Honest tears. Grateful ones. I know I wasnt betrayed by her. She did truely love me. For that I owe her more than I can repay her. And she knows I will long for her, for many years. Her birthday draws near. A day I wont soon forget. A secret holiday. One worth acknowledging. To My best friend. You are more than flesh and blood. You are what has held me together all these past days. And I thank you for that. Maybe in time, we can once again rekindle the very friendship we once enjoyed. Then we wont have to truly be alone anymore. You will be thought of, fondly, and I will be here, should you need Me. I love you.....

Goodnight....