I kept tossing and turning, even this morning My stomach is a series of tightly woven knots designed to make comfort impossible.

Obgligations do it to Me most often. Like a nearing court date Im not too thrilled about. My recent illness aside, I know there are things affecting Me. And affecting those around Me. They can turn a nice day, into crap. A constant reminder that your not in total control. That there are things which need to be dealt with, and faced. To forget them is to let them linger, and cause more problems later. For Me....court, and other things. As for those around Me....I can only watch and wait.

A friend, Chuck came to visit me late last night. Around 2amish, not unheard of for him. Ive known Charlie since I was in eigth grade. maybe even before.....prior to 1989. looking back thats a long time. Almost.over 15 yrs. He is one of the closest friends Ive ever had, he is generous, knowledgeable, and fun to hang with. He knows every bar, grill, and strip joint worth seeing in NY. Even the private clubs. Talk about a bachelor. In any case.....he wanted to take Me somewhere to eat, and catch up. I usually only see him every few months, when we both have time. Before leaving last night he gave Me, and My brother and father new winter coats. he is like that, just randomly getting us things. He is sort of like family that way. He was also the only friend I had, who came to visit Me in the hospital, and bring Me things. It really meant alot.

Well, we went to a diner, I drove. We ate, talked about family, what we are doing, My plans, and his. I showed Him a picture, taken October 16th, around 3:30pm or so. The first thing he said was:

"definately worth going to Maine for.... have fun?"

Bet your ass I did. I admit it, I bragged. Now Chuck has been around Me through all My prior relationships. He knows me very well. He also knows I dont see someone, Im not sure about either. His offer to take Me to a private strip club for some naked twister, was met with jokes of a little women, who needs attention. I could only smile, and agree.

I usually dont mention friends too often here....maybe its because I forget, or think it wont be of much interest. I will list some here.

Friends: (near Me)

Charlie

ummm....

George (old music teacher/martial artist friend) who I dont see often either.

Coworkers I like:

Craig

Matt

Jon

Alfred

kevin

Bill

oh fuck it almost everyone, except Mike Dirusso, he is a fuck ass.

Online friends: (inhales deeply, and prays He dont forget anyone)*in no particular order*

*Krystal* (she gets first slot :P)

Gwynvyd (prodomme)

Arkanux (AW)

SeaSiren (AW)

Andre (AW)

Kishijoten

peterknowles (one sick fucker, makes me look tame, yet thinks Im worse than he is, go figure)

TalGor citizens (AW HomeStone)

tara

moddie

silvergump (AW)

sara (in airforce)

There might be more people who speak to Me, just not regularly. Im sure I forgot some names, I sorry. Most of these people dont even know of this diary anyway, so it dont matter. Actually, only two on the list do.

Well, I need to get in the shower, clean Myself for work so I can make some moolah. I cant forget I have a collar to buy.