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10:51 p.m. - 2003-08-29

The last week has been a muddle of thoughts in My head.

I dreamt I was blind last night. I was blind, and living life in darkness.

And now I have just finished watching Donnie Darko, recommended by a speacial little girl. I find it a tragic movie. Not knowing the outcome of the movie, its ending revealed some secrets to Me, and I cant stop thinking of them. When he meets Gretchen for the first time, and she asks what kind of name is Donnie Darko anyway, sounds like some kind of super hero, and she asks if he is. His reply...."what makes you think Im not?" How ironic is it he is the very one who saves her anyway. He was in fact her secret super hero. And to Me that is sad, but unselfish. I feel like that sometimes.....wanting to be the unknown hero. No thanks, no recognition, but My reasons for being here finally revealed.

He is such a lonely person, and the only thing which makes sense is her. He knows what needs to be done. Not wanting to die alone, but he does so, with a purpose. I cant get over how this has explained some of the things I have felt for so long. Parts were indeed funny, and liberating. He expressed EXACTLY how I feel about fanatics, and the world around Me. I cant recall how many times I have thought I was the only insane one, and the things I do see are only visible to Me, only they make sense to Me. It cant be just Me who thinks like this.

Confused, and I dont mean "seeing" giant bunny men named Frank. But the idea of something coming back, to right a wrong.....is intrigueing. All in all, I enjoyed seeing it, it made Me think, and it made me laugh. And yes.....I had to look away some of the times cuz it was just embarrassing. Yes, I get embarrassed for people, call it pity embarrassment, now shaddap.

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