I must be wearing the wrong deoderant tonight. Or I said something contrary to what I usually say which is witty and charming. I just dont get it. Why the awkward pauses. All this misunderstanding is enough to make Me question My own sanity at times.

"why is this person pushing Me away?"

I try to be understanding, and try to help but unfortunately, this isnt the first time My trying to help has made things worse. I think perhaps it is a curse, and I am the one doing all the bad things My mind is telling Me. I lose more friends trying to help, than actually doing things wrong. Sometimes I think My compassion for those I care for, is wrong. Because why then does it hurt more than help? People seem to flock closer when Im being a bastard. Unapproachable. Not the nice man they find out I am capable of being. Some say its nicer to see, but I am the one who ends up regretting softening. Fuck.

Did I ever mention I hate banks? And the IRS and all the other people hell bent on pissing Me off. Fees on top of fees. Mystery withdrawels from My account. Dammit to hell.....

I went shooting. I dont know......I needed to do something. No one was talking to Me, and My mind was a mess. I needed some kind of contact. And it wasnt there.....even conversation by a friend would have sufficed.