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3:19 p.m. - 2003-07-07 secrets are meant to be kept.I added a secret entry to the diary. Chances are no one will ever be allowed to read it. Its too raw, fueled with emotion, and bitter to let loose. People will hate Me for it. And Im ashamed of Myself for writing it, let alone thinking it. Im being purposely vague, to save anyone else from a burden I will have to carry for the rest of My life. I know too many things, and suspect many more. I cant change the past. But this will certainly alter My future. Secrets are indeed meant to be kept, but I cant help feeling helpless. Exposed. It hurts. Alot. I can tell no one. And accept no comfort. Or pity. Some burdens are meant to be carried alone. For the sake of others. Something in My life is dying. Im confused. Upset, and depressed by it. Denying it bothers Me would be a lie. Just dont ask me what it is. Give Me My peace. There is no blame to spread around. No guilt to hand out. So everyone can just relax. It will be a vague shadow of things to come. Things I have already predicted in My mind. All thats left is to see them carried out by time. As I know its going to happen. I hear My inner voice screaming again. Yelling at Me. I sit there and take the abuse....knowing I deserve it anyway. Hands being tied, in mind anyway....unable to help or change a course which has already begun. Unsure of what steps to take to prevent things from unfurling as they have. No release. I have the tools to act physically, but would it even make a diffrence? Past history has shown Me otherwise, and I should know better now than to chance it. Damn My thinking. "cursed is the one who remembers remembering"
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