Thats what I think has been making Me restless of late. Things which for so long meant so much, are now forgotten. My proboard web page, unupdated in so long. And I think My restlessness, and longing have rubbed off on the wrong people. One in particular. They dont deserve that from Me. And I regret now doing some of the things I have done, said some of the things I let slip past My lips, or through My fingertips onto a page.

I care so much, and My doubts, and uncertainties rear thier ugly heads and make everything worse than it really was to begin with. Of that crime I am absolutely guilty.

Now, what caused this disenchantment to begin with. Fuck if I know the real reason, but i can speculate till rapture and not nail it exactly. Why have i become so unfocused? I know what I want to do, and know I can take the steps to do exactly as I set out to do. But I falter....

Maybe its a human weakness. My inner sensitivities giving in to unknown forces bent to rid Me of any semblance of peace and contentment. Or it could be paranoia. Nothing is being ruled out at this point. And I cant let this continue any longer, it is starting to currupt My spirit, and weaken My resolve. I can show strength, confidence, and dignity. Without being a bastard about it. Finesse, tact, and respect. I know I can.....