Why am I so easily forgotten by so many. Those who were once so close, so strong in thier relationships to Me, why are they gone? No hello, no goodbye.....nothing. What did I do, to make them forget Me, to pass me by without a word.....

I am hard pressed to find a stronger hurt, than that of ignorance. When people I hold so strong a bond to keep me out of thier lives on purpose.

Why am I not capable of having faith? When that empty place in My heart cries out for guidance, comfort, support...I have nothing to cling to. Religion, in any form has been erased from My mind as a valid, tangible view on why I am here, feel as I do, or suffer needlessly. Of course there are many thoughts on such subjects, most from biblical scripture, ancient texts, scrolls, and glyph. But all of it, seem to be the flightful fancied ideas of men or women who gazed towards the skies and imagined things. So being the type of realist I am, where does this all fit in? I understand, the emotions I feel are merely electro-chemical signals in My brain, and are hardly tangible things. Society, as it progressed set forth into motion a tradition of religious fear, and mystery. And we follow it blindly, letting the drama run our lives, but sometimes.....I want to be innocent again, naive, and clueless. because those people dont suffer as I do. They dont feel alone. Where is My salvation, who is there to understand why I suffer as I do, why any of us have to feel these things, because sometimes I dont think there is a lesson, just to suffer, and feel pain, to know what it means to be alive. Good or bad.

Im diffrent.

My whole life I have known I was diffrent. I dont know if it was an accident. Something in the water, or phase of the moon. My distance from people growing up has made me very single minded in My thinking, even when in the Marines.....I felt like an outcast sometimes. Wondering why things were done, or words spoke as they were. I missed so much growing up. And now as an adult, Im forced to adapt, to be around people more than I ever was growing up. Im learning to feel all over again. To be more than the sum of My parts, and make My way through the daily rituals life throws My way.