Im having a bad mind day and I just woke up, not good. My mind is racing around with possibilities, queries, answers the mind conjurs and self defeat.

He is touching her.

How could I let something like this affect me so much, after so long. Why do I have to be the one who has to relive all the things that happened. Why did I have to learn he* was down there, near her.....close. Fuck.

She thinks about him.

It doesnt matter how long it has been, I still feel the heartache sliding down My throat even thinking about anyone touching them**. My skin crawls just thinking about it, and I get angry, frustrated, burnt. There is no denying My jealousy, over past lovers, and the men who touch them. Or for women I might be interested in, the green monster is silently lurking, poking Me in the chest with a icepick.

~pick....pick....pick~

Bastards.

Am I wrong to want them for Myself? I know I can protect them better, care for them......keep them safe....and loving Me? *sighs* Am I being selfish......I want them happy. Thats all I have ever wished for people I loved, be happy, even if its not with Me. Execept its ALWAYS without Me. Im the virus which kills relationships.

Does anyone feel that way about Me...

Ive lost soo much, and hurt soo much. Please.....God*** make the pain stop. Why do you touch her like that...thats the way I touched her....you dont know her like I do. She loves Me.....

"Lonliness, jealousy, heartache, are cruel mistresses"

Im late for work......

*- an asshole

**- girls I love/ed