People think I ignore them, when Im not. I sort of feel like an asshole sometimes. Like I am playing with people, and I hate Myself for it. Anything I do that comes across as something else, I take personally. *pets the dragon figurine near his puter* Friends seemingly ignoring Me....and it bothers Me. Some where the only way I can contact them is online, and its been months since they even said hello. That bothers Me. I know when people stop talking to Me. I DO notice. And then I purge My brain asking why?

WTF do I do, to make these people shut Me out? I cant fix it if I dont know whats wrong. its like reaching out for them, and they dont reply. it eats away at My mind. It is a silent hell.

Had another goo session, needed it. its like Im forgetting My dick. My mind is going, yeah thats it. Not like its there anyway... :/

Im having that feeling, like I need to do something, anything, and Im just sitting here, bored. It sucks. I have no life.....no one wants Me around. No one says hello. What is My defect in life. It has to be something, cuz Im failing in it.

I already feel the emotions welling up inside, like when I posted earlier...about not having one. I need to stop already....