Was it My fault? Some say it wasnt, but to convince Myself of this was a hard task. From what was, a new beginning emerged. I became a little colder, a little more jaded, but it is normal right? Perhaps.

Damn, in any case....I am some sadistic pervert and what I find most interesting, is how girls can beg Me to take them, and I cant find a reason to. Am I bored? Im certainly lonely, and one would think a willing volunteer to be the perfect solution. But it isnt, it never is, not to Me. My mind is always working, thinking, solving lifes little mysteries. Sometimes I swear I can read minds, why people do this, why they say that. Am I some kind of genius? No, I know Im not, but it doesnt seem to stop the ideas in My head. The faint whimpers in My minds ear. The ones you hear when your alone, or on line for food. Why I dream of such things, has never really been clear, am I repressed? Desperate? Needy? maybe all of them, but Im no longer ashamed by it, and I have begun what proves to be an interesting if not humbling journey.

I promise not to dwell on why Im such a pitiful sight. it seems only fair. But I would also be lying, and keeping to me anyway vital details about what makes this little blond brute tick. Actually I consider Myself Shrek but with blond hair, and normal ears.....not much to look at but boy can I ramble. As if it wasnt already apparent. Im retarded.

This is most likely the most Ive ever written about one subject, and Im not ashamed...yet. Somehow all the good intentions get turned around and stuck right back in My face. Im a grown boy, I can handle it. Often I am asked why I am the way I am, twisted, sadistic, often plotting some poor bastards demise in overly elaborate ways. Details details.

So here it comes, the big revelation, Wont be able to hide this from anyone now. I willingly, and with consent (Im not a monster, just look like one, I even bathe) train women to be slaves. "Master Ghost" they call Me. No one, not even My family knows. And the pitiful number of people I call friends, all which could be counted on one hand which actually see Me face to face, two know this about Me. There where days I would walk onto a McDonalds playground, to eat outside...and moms would run and snatch thier kids away, because the man in black was near. Am I a monster? Sometimes thats exactly how I feel, evil. Would you feel evil too if no one came near you, hugged you, or said a kind word. The world has fucked Me practically in everyway. So maybe I feel justified when people run away. My black cloak protects Me, not from violence, but from having to care. Im so used to being the "strange" one....the one people stare at and cross the street to avoid. Im still a fucking human being. My armor protects Me. Who would guess I worked with the mentally retarded, people with the IQ of babies. Im a monster. A man who will never get to hold His child, a child who died before its Father could tell it he loved it. I cradle it in My heart though. Nothing will ever hurt it while I live. Am I protective? To a flaw. I perhaps care too much, and get nothing for My efforts, but I still care. Words can heal what pain has caused, even miles away, and I would stay online for hours consoling women who had been hurt, even if it meant softening, just for that moment, I wasnt a monster anymore. My armor protects Me, but it also keeps those who would love me away. I feel guilty. Bieng there for someone who hurts, trying to be a friend, knowing they want more than just friendship, but My armor is just too thick. The monster teaes them, that must be it. The cruel selfish bastard I might be. Keeping locked away which might cure the pain they feel but might open what I fear most, Love.

If I ramble I will blame My blond hairs, where was I.

Might as well get what sex details I can out so I can thank Myself later. Well the first compliment I recieved was actually the first time I ever gave oral, I went down on her for 2 hours, luckily she is one of those types who doesnt cum easy, and before Me, she never came at all, that was a special touch. Bieng a bi girl she first asked where I learned. I said no where, she called me a liar, proclaiming all the whores who probably taught Me. Nope I said, then she said I needed to give lesson, to men and women. Damn. it wasnt surprizing then when we did have sex, on the rug, in her mothers house, while she slept, that one: she never even knew I was a virgin, and two...had to beg me to stop pounding her. Apparently I thought My dick small, it isnt like I fucking measured it. Mark me up for another point.

Im guilty of being a tease, despite My Dominant personality, I take pleasure in making girls squirm when I touch them. I can stay dressed and still have fun, how sick is that. And I have all the normal Master stuff, cuffs flogger, crops, restraints. But do I really need them? Not really, but some like it. Im just good at making My wants clear, and fulfilling small shallow needs with thier body. I hope that isnt a crime.

Why am I a Master? People said I was, I didnt know until I was told, by peers and submissives alike. The only girl who actually reads this diary brought Me here. She is a precious thing, and I already love her for it. She knows Me, and came to see Me just recently all the way from England. 12 hours wasnt enough time. But I got to hug her. its been 2 years since anyone held Me. I wont soon forget it either.

Good reasons why I suck, as a person, lessee.........one, Im damn stubborn. Not the "I wont listen stubborn"no, I listen alot....its agreeing with what people tell Me. Like how I look. What about how I look? Mom, your biased. I hate cameras. I hate meeting people even more. Shy is an understatement. Ever see a Master who blushed when spanking you? *raises hand* Doesnt mean I wont, just means your gunna see dimples and a grin. Kind of like getting candy for Easter. Where the fuck did that idea come from. Shoot Me please...

All My hobbies seem to be in poor taste, and I dont thinks its My fault, I blame My hair, its always the hair. (sick of Me rambling yet?)

Chances you would even read this shit is slim to none, but hey, sometimes long shots pay off. Why masterbate if you wont finish? Well, I will end this now, hopefully I can finish reading all your posts, becuase I havent seen one yet that wasnt worth thinking on. My best to you Puppet, more than I can say. And thank you for actually being honest.